Category: current

T-Minus 55: 55 is not as close to 60 as I thought

Holy shit! (It’s your weekly panic mode.)
Hello. It’s me
Today started out in a flurry of anxiety and flightiness (i *was* FB chatting at work – never a good idea for my focus.) I then helped my friend do mock interviews at GW, and then got my hair cut.
The mock interviews is one of those things lately where I’m like, “man, I’m at this place in my career …”
But, no. I need a break. I will work on resumes & shit once I’m rested, and on the road.
It’s going to be such whiplash. I don’t even slow down on my days “off.”
After the hair cut (gee, was it maybe finally sitting still for ~ 1 hour?) I felt really, really sad.
Maybe it was that and that I told my hair cutter I was moving. He also had *just* smoked up (annoying!) and was acting weird/giddy.
Anyway. It was a beautiful spring cotton-candy sunset, all pinks and oranges. Sigh.
I cried a little on the way home & was unsure what to do. I ended up: Library, food, Netflix. It’s good to give myself a break sometimes. It still feels hard to move sometimes. I can’t tell if that’s post-breakup sadness, or tsunami-of-moving overwhelm.
I did upload all the photos I took, and cleared one SD card. Progress! I also tidied up my place after totally ripping apart my box of “papers to save.” In reality, the 11x8x11 box contained probably only 1″ worth of papers keeping. Sigh.
I also am creating space around waiting until 30 days before the trip to post everything. Which means I have 25 more to get things “done.” And I have the week of April 15 off so it’s perfect – “come anytime!”
I’d like to finish up photos this weekend just so I can have the choice & get that off my plate. But still.
I did come across a treasure trove of old poetry of mine. That doesn’t even count the stacks of notebooks I have. I’ll have to get around to typing those up. Hopefully that’s something I can make time for before or on the trip. I also wonder if I could ask Janet to do it. Hmm … (yes, it’s nice to have a transcriber. 😇)
Brida inspired me to get a book on Natural Witchery – a friendly how-to written by one of the coven. (I got the Dummies’ Guide to Angels … ugh. What is that tripe? It’s so … condescending. Like someone’s educating you via finger guns. Wikipedia me, at the least. It’s going back.)
I will admit that the idea of tapping into the feminine has helped me take comfort against the influx of fear and loneliness I feel. “Ok, I can embrace ‘not needing a man.'”
And I can tell I’ve done a lot of healing in this area – the feelings & reaction are not as deep and panicked as it once was.
Maybe I am filling my newfound time with more “things to do.” Maybe I am filling it with nervous energy. Idk. It’s interesting times, mate. The balance of living and creating, being present and moving on.
I’m still a little stressed with what to do about my art (sigh.)
No way my car is going to be big enough to get this all stuff to my parents. Decisions will have to be made. (“Winter is coming.” The saddest part is – this is the least amount of stuff I’ve had!!)
I also need to start phone calls to friends next week.
And call Uncle Steve this week.
Tomorrow is a big day: get my car thoroughly inspected (be sure my baby is road-ready!), my final doctor’s appointment, and first post-breakup therapy sesh. It will be an interesting one!
Off to read some of this book on Tarot card meanings by Juliet Sharman-Burke.

RIP Bowie.

I went as Aladdin Sane for Halloween 2015 … Shocked to hear the news today. He was creating until his last. Here’s to the ultimate confident creative. RIP. 

Three books

HP 7 – The older I get, the more I appreciate J.K. Rowling’s sheer literary genius. She can make you get into the book and FEEL HP & Co.’s trials and triumphs in real time. Tolkein-genius? Possibly, but without the years of experience developing a whole literary alter-world.

Herman Hesse’s SiddarthaLike reading a meditation exercise. Helps put things in perspective. Helps small discomforts feel … small. Quick read, but very good lessons. Also, Hesse is classic.

The Namesake – Everyone should own and cherish and pass on all of Jhumpa Lahiri’s books. Brilliance. A warm blanket on a cool night; ice cream on the patio with fireflies. Cozy, human.

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