So, first up: I had therapy today, which was its own damn curative.
I took today off of work, the first in a step of surreptitious steps to start to combat this flow of WTF!!? fear.
I got my car checked out – all good! Woot, as it is sort of literally the nucleus of this trip.
While sitting in the dealership, I was required to do some work (IT’S MY DAY OFF #reasonsI’mLeaving.)
Then I did work on moi – started posting things to Craigslist (bless! that was such a relief. I realized – I think – it’s more about getting the stuff out than the money. We’ll see. I have 24 more days til I really start needing to MOVE shit.)
Then I also started building an Etsy shop for my paintings. Same idea – I want them to move. I have like ~40 canvases here. I don’t really want them to languish in storage!
Then I had the Ladies’ Worst Nightmare appointment from hell. Yes, it was actually so bad it gets its own post. Lovely.
Fortunately, therapy was right after that. It was good talks: about the break up (hey, for day 4 I’m doing pretty damn awesome, okay?!) About the fears inside of me that the breakup talk broke open, which don’t worry my little Drs. Freuds, I will outline in a future post.
And we talked about the whole art & creating thing. He encouraged me to continue to “be creative.” I haven’t touched a paint brush in a minute, and I can imagine my throat closing up as I think about the external demands on my weekend time (already?!) … but. But but. I will make space. Or I won’t, and I’ll do it on the road.
Anyway, the point of that whole talk is one I’m still processing, but it had more to do with the “after” or the true point of this trip (more breaking open!) which is to fully inhabit my calling/body as a “creative.” I hope to fuck this blog counts 😉
When put that way, it becomes this piece of light that, holding up things like “the job,” “the most recent relationship (er, all past [with the exception of “the“]), and future decisions … wow. It’s like … idk. What’s some sort of thing that measures if a thing is a “fit”? I’m losing steam here. Anyway. I liked it, and it was illuminating and helpful in re: standing in my truth. And that’s the point of this trip: “truth is, I just don’t like it here anymore. Truth is, I want to travel.” Etc. (That’s should be the new name of the blog … “Truth Is …” LOL)
He also was like, “you’ll be able to get art supplies, it’s not like you’re going to Mars,” and *I* was like, “for me this IS Mars! Nature, and no schedule, and no obligations, and no income, and totally indulging in what I want to do. Dude!”
It’s like … Mars of the soul. Which is pretty damn exciting.
And some of those weekend plans, are, like the “hitting my fav spots” below, part of the goodbye tour. SIGH – and I see why people do it all at once.
Then I went to Jaleo for a “last meal” sort of thing (yes, food is a soothing and reward thing for me, but I’m also LEAVING the place I lived for 10 years so I want to hit my favorite spots while I can. I only ordered like, 17 orders of their bacon-wrapped dates. Bless you, Jose Andres.) There I did some more work on photos & sorting through my external hard drives. I had to leave when my battery died – conveniently at the same time the local happy hour was starting to rip, ~6pm. I got there at 4:30 and it was empty. 5:30 was still fine, but right around 5:45 it was about a dull roar. Omm … (There was an entertaining character at the bar I definitely took notes on because he was such a personality. For instance, he kept inserting into his responses, “I’m OG!” “But, I’m OG! So …” … yet he was with 3 younger colleagues. And I think he was – he was talking about Studio 54 … so, emphasis on the O part, anyway. He had a nice suit on, though.)
I swear to God, if I get nothing else done on this trip, it will be to achieve the most organized & digitally “cleaned” EXHD & Google Drives of all time.
I then went to Sacred Circle & spent “too much” money, considering that I should be spending no money – on crystals, or fancy Spanish tapas, etc etc. But: treat yo self. And it balances out the tsunami of insanity that I generally feel is running at a low roar in the background of the operating system of this meat sack. (y’know?)
Funny thing: I realized Target still has the crystal jewelry that I adored in the fall, so I filled my cart with $250 worth of that, and then realized that was wackadoo, so I got it down to $100 & will sleep on it … SIGH.
BUT: Crystals. That & tarot are definitely things I’m drawn to. Earth-y things, storytelling things, curative/healing things. The witch continues her studies …
Oh and I love love love love the owners of Sacred Circle, Anysia and Tom. Tom showed me some Malachite, and he was like, “The stone finds the wizard!” which I took as a great compliment <3 :="" nbsp="" p="">
OK, bed time. UGH WORK TOMORROW. I seriously contemplated just deucing out early, but financially that’s not the most prudent, and also, guys: there’s External Hard Drives to organize 🙂
Grateful for the opportunity to do some of my own shit at work …
PS – I just added up just the two blog posts I wrote tonight (not to mention all the Etsy/CL/emails/texts/etc) and that’s 1,937 words. Sooo … #creative ? #Creativity? #CountingIt!xo. (ok, now it’s 1,975, but I can’t do much more than that. I’m sorry! What do you want from me?! Go to sleep, loves! Xo xo, mwah!) JK, two more words and: 2000.